Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm Going Home

I am now just days away from returning to Haiti and God’s Littlest Angels. The hours keep passing, although at times painfully slow. But I can now look ahead and see that in less than one week I will once again be flying away.

It is strange to think that 5 months ago I was preparing for the same trip, but with such different plans. Little did I know I would ever be traveling that same path again, let alone just a few months later. And yet, here is where I find myself. Once again, packing and weighing and repacking and weighing again. Planning airport trips and hotel rooms for layovers, getting ready to say goodbye to the ones I leave behind, and also to meet the people who will be the most important part of my life for the next 9 months.

In May when I came home from GLA I still wasn’t sure that I was ready to commit to a longer trip. Sure I had an amazing time, but I just couldn’t let go of such a huge amount of time. Over the course of that month God just worked through me so much. He didn’t let up and I am so thankful! I can’t believe how much I have already been blessed and I haven’t even gotten there yet! I went to GLA to hold babies, I did not expect them to hold on to me. How can I leave the place where I my soul was so alive. To borrow words from a dear friend of mine and fellow GLA volunteer, “the babies of Haiti grabbed on to my heart and held on, and in the grasps of those tiny hands is where the pieces remain.” How can I stay away from a place that holds my heart?

Once the plans to return to Haiti were in place I became the most anxious person alive! I did not want to be here. I just wanted to go back! The months ahead of me seemed like they would never be over. Why in the world would God keep me away from those babies for so long? What could I possibly be doing here that is more important than being with them? Well during this last week it came to me. The reason I had to wait so long to go back to Haiti was because God had a very special lesson to teach me. Over the course of this summer I have been forced to put the trust of my finances entirely in Him. Having the financial worry being the biggest challenge of this trip, I soon became nervous. I know that God has a plan for me and that He is always in control but the human inside me just was not willing to give it entirely up to him. After spending much time with this worry I knew that I couldn’t do it anymore. I spoke to a friend who told me that God just wanted me to give it all to Him. To let Him work it out. I took a big step one Sunday in doing that, and the results have been amazing. Since that day, every moment of worry has been followed by blessings beyond comprehension. It seems that the moment I start to worry, the money flows in. I have never been more convinced that I am doing the will of God! A beautiful poem was once shared with me, I don’t think that the friend who gave it had any idea the impact it would have but I would like to share it with you, it is called Broken Dreams.

Broken Dreams
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
Robert J. Burdette

I have found that in letting go I receive so much. That when I give my hopes, dreams and struggles to God is when He blesses me more than I could ever imagine. As much as I have hated being away from my babies for such a long time, the lesson was one I will continue in the rest of my life. I am thankful for the pain of the growing and now I look forward to the future in that assurance!

3 days from now I board my flight. I will do so immersed in a joy that I have found through the beautiful country of Ayiti and the people she holds. I move forward in the hands of my Lord, protecting me and guiding me, and with the prayers of all of you, my supporters in this journey, always surrounding me. There are no words enough to thank you for all you have done for me. I hope that through these letters you will all travel with me over the next 9 months.

Always in His care,

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