Thursday, January 1, 2009

"I am not afraid of failure, I am afraid of succeeding at something that doesn't

January 1st...A day of new beginnings. This is a time of year where everyone can start fresh. Most of us have made a list, the things we will do this year, the goals that we will accomplish, the habits we will change. Perhaps some of us will be better at keeping these goals alive than others. If you are anything like me by February 1st that list will be long gone. Lost somewhere on the desk that you were sure would be spotless and organized this year. All too quickly the goals and resolutions that we made will fall to the side. Replaced by much more "important" things. Excused away by the reasons we give ourselves. " I don't really NEED to go to the gym today...I'm so busy, It's so COLD outside, besides....I think I already lost 3 pounds. I'll get to it tomorrow" and then tomorrow comes and a new excuse is on our lips. All of you who know me know that I am a perfectionist. There is nothing worse in my mind than failure. To me New Years is a bit of a torture. I have come to realize that it is much easier for me to just not make resolutions, because that is better than having to face the fact that I will break them. While thinking about this an idea came to my mind. Perhaps the reason I find these resolutions hard to keep is because they are not the purpose of my life here. The purpose God gives you is a big one, it takes up energy, a lot of it, and if you are working to fulfill that purpose there isn't much time left for the other "fillers". Did you know that God did not put you on this earth to look pretty? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with taking care of your body and being healthy, but if it is taking the time of something else you are to be doing, being in the gym is the wrong place for your heart! Did you know that God did now put you on this earth to create a perfectly clean and organized home for your family to live in. Yes perhaps you think you will be happier, more relaxed when all is done, but what will you have missed while you were doing it? No matter how hard you work there will always be something else to do and if we let them, those things will always come first.

Over the course of this year I have spent some time with a friend who has taught me a lot about finding your purpose. I have learned that God has created each person for a specific purpose. I know that this is not a new concept to most of you but it is one of those things we hear so many times that we stop listening to what it means. This year, I have started living that purpose and that fact has taken on a whole new meaning in this human heart. When you find your purpose and you start to fulfill it, your entire life changes. When you finally find that thing that you were created specifically to do you can't be happy doing anything else. It is something that overtakes everything you are, and for good reason. If God looked into the future of the world before you were born and created you for a specific place and time, doesn't it make sense that you would feel fulfilled doing that and only that? It's what you were made for, by the One who made every moment and situation happen. I know how blessed I am to be in a place, at only 23 years old, where I feel that fulfillment. My life in Haiti isn't always comfortable; it's not all holding babies and drinking lemonade in the sun. But it is a place where I feel more alive and useful than ever before. There are days where I feel overwhelmed by small things like people around me a cold showers and there are moments that the big picture of living in a place where people are dying all around me overtake me until I have to literally catch my breath. But there isn't a second where I feel restless. There isn't a moment in my day that I don't know that I am called to this place by a powerful boss. Even when I come home at the end of the day to a place that still does not feel like "home" I am more at peace than anywhere in the world. I was told once that God had given each of us a purpose and if we don't fulfill that purpose, people will die. Every one of us has a purpose as great as this. You may not be called to Haiti, you may not be called outside of the USA, or even outside of Fergus Falls, but you have a purpose where you are. When you find that purpose you will find a life that you ever though possible. A joy that you can't keep inside.

In the year 2009 I am confident that I will not fail at this assignment I have before me. But as scary as failing is to me, even worse in succeeding at something that doesn't matter. Thankfully, for the first New Years Day in my life I have confidence that this thing I am doing matters. It affects lives all over the world and the future of a country that is crying out for hope. I know that when I succeed. I will do so at an assignment that is the greatest one of my life!

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