Friday, January 15, 2010

"Hell Just Got Worse"

It is dark and one of our vehicles just arrived home. The engine stopped and that is when I saw them. Our dearly loved nanny, whom Dixie had sent home earlier because she was still unable to find out about her infant son at home, had arrived back. She was to return with her family, the number was far too small. 2 adults and 3 small children. As she approached the door sh stumbled and almost fell under the weight of the sleeping child she carried. As I grabbed him from her arms I saw his face and I knew immediately it was her baby. Just 6 days ago when I came into the nursery after being gone for 7 months she proudly showed off his photo to me. I agreed, he was beautiful. Tonight I held that beautiful miracle in my arms.
They had walked for hours. Their faces showed their exhaustion, physically and mentally. They barely pulled themselves to the dining room before collapsing in tears. I held him. They told their story to Dixie and I kissed his little head. They ate while I looked at the child I held and knew that without a doubt I am exactly where I need to be.
Before I left for Haiti I prayed that God would teach me to trust. He started small. I was almost not able to purchase my plane tickets, I called off the trip. The next morning I had all the money I needed for the flight! Within 2 hours someone had contacted me and told me she would pay my room and board fees. How I wish I could have counted that enough. How I wish that would have been all I needed to learn that lesson. But no, I am stubborn. I am headstrong. "I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF!" It took an earthquake to break me down. For me to learn to rely on Him, God had to rattle the ground beneath my feet. Well God, it worked. I'm listening. What do you want me to do? I will trust unwaveringly.
A missionary who has lived in Haiti for over 30 years sent out a letter tonight, in it I found something that jumped out at me. "On a good day Haiti is hell for nine million illiterate, unemployed peasants. Tuesday, January 12 was a really bad day, hell just got worse." "Hell just got worse." How can a place be both heaven and hell at the same time. Haiti is heaven on earth to me. It is the place that I was created by my Father to love. It makes since that it would be the only place I feel truly alive. It is heaven. And then I drive the streets and I see dirty, barefoot children's sorrow filled eyes and I see hell. A life of living in Haiti, not by choice, is hell. How is it that a place can be both heaven and hell?
As for today...well, every day gets better and every day gets worse. We are still short staffed but slowly and one by one the nannies are coming back. Today there were more than yesterday and tomorrow there will be more than today. We are still working in the nurseries helping them. My Creole has expanded more in the last few days than my entire 9 months before. We keep busy and it helps. We are getting into a routine that works for us and we are all starting to fell like we have things under control. This afternoon we saw smoke start to rise over the hills. My evening our throats were scratchy and our eyes were watering. The smoke comes from the piles of bodies they are burning in Port. I never imagined... But we don't think about it. We can't think about it. We just go on...

10 comments:

Roberta said...

Rhyan, we continue to pray for you and all of those precious babies you and the others are taking care of. May GOD provide all that is needed for you to continue the work that is so desperately needed. Please stay strong. Roberta in Colorado.

Anonymous said...

How can Haiti be heaven and hell at the same time? Well maybe it's not Haiti that is heaven, but it's you that is heaven to Haiti- an Angel sent by God to this place of hell to bring hope and life and the love of God to those around you. You certainly, and most unmistakeably, are exactly where you are meant to be, and God bless you for understanding that and being there!!
You're all in our thoughts and prayers!!
Loretta

Michelle Baker Cole said...

Rhyan,
In your blog yesterday you say you are not strong. But your continued updates show your true strength. You are obviously amazingly strong. The work you were doing before Tuesday was awsome, what you are doing since then is God-sized awsome!
I went to school with your Mom and have gotten some updates this week through FB. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family, and the babies you love so much.
God Bless you!

smiles4u said...

((((((Rhyan))))) I cry out to God on your behalf. May your strength be renewed as you give away what you have. It's hard to put into words...just know that so many of us are holding you and the others up in prayer and of course for these beautiful sweet children and all the people. We are proud of you! Much love and hugs, Lori

Trent Westphal said...

Hello, we've never met, my parents i guess met you at Shirley Laue's here in Minnesota. I just wanted to let you know we are all praying for you, for safety and comfort. I'll leave you with a clever quote. “No matter what your dream in life, no matter what your goal, keep your eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole.” In other words, you maybe just one person, but your help will help 10 times ten. Keep focused.

Lori said...

My prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing an insider's viewpoint. It must be so horrible to witness the devastation-

smiles4u said...

((((Rhyan)))) Have not stopped praying for you and everyone there. May you feel God's arm's wrapped around you. Lori

Anonymous said...

For those of us who are so far away and feel so helpless as we see the pictures of the children on TV, thank you for being obedient to God and for being there for them. Please remember that many, many Christians are praying for all of you.
Denise Fries
Minnesota

Cristinejoy said...

...praying you'll continue to walk out Philippians 2 to the Glory of God our Father.

Richard said...

Dear Dear Dear Rhyan,
I am overwhelmed, and so deeply touched, by your amazing strength, courage, wisdom, compassion, beauty (such a rare combination . . . inner beauty, matching your outward beauty), immeasurable kindness . . . and your complete and total desire to give of yourself in every possible way . . . . You are blessing everyone reading your words, looking at your pictures/videos, and listening to the beautiful songs that you've picked to share; thank you! All of us will never be the same. Thank you for sharing the truth . . . "THE DIFFERENCE IN ME IS JESUS!!!" God bless you, and all you love, always, and may you know, like you know, like you know, like you know that Jesus is with you every moment of every day, filling your heart, mind, and spirit with His Pure and Infinite Love, and His Grace and Peace that surpasses all understanding. You will always be in my daily prayers. Love, peace, and joy, Patty LaDue, Bozeman, MT xoxo : ) (Sending smiles, and hugs and kisses to you and your beautiful babies.) ("This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.")