Saturday, January 9, 2010

I'm going home...to the place where I belong

I'm going back! I can't believe it! Tonight as I sit here and write this, my bags wait. They are propped up next to the door, filled and weighed... Onsies, Crib Sheets, Benadryl and Ranch Dressing. Things you could go out this very second to a Wal-Mart and buy but packed in those bags, are more precious than gold. They await their journey to babies who need them desperately... well all except the ranch dressing, that will be enjoyed by staff members! We will hand deliver it all...

It feels unreal! Since my first trip to Haiti, this is the longest I have ever been away! Tomorrow I will go back. I have goosebumps. I let myself get excited and then I draw myself back. I can't allow my heart to believe it. In just 12 hours I will be sitting in an airport waiting for a flight that will take me to the one and only place I ever want to be. Me serving in Haiti is not me serving. No! It is my Jesus, the one who created my inmost being, the one who made me the person I am, allowing me the desires of my heart! Those sweet little babies serve me 100 times over what I will ever give to them. The way my spirit is healed when I step off that plane and into the hot, heavy air of the country that holds my heart... I can't describe it! What words could I possibly have for the feeling of KNOWING I am EXACTLY where I was created to be.

I don't even feel like I deserve to get on that plane. "They"' are going to know! Just as soon as my flight is called "they"will come out from all around, "they" will tell me I can't go. Someone who knows my deepest darkest self will find me out! "They" will tell me those little ones deserve so much more than I will ever be able to offer. "They" will see the depths of me, which are neither serving nor good. "They" will wake me up from this dream I am living. And yet I know, my God told me to go, and so I will go. Feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, because tomorrow I will go, once again journey to the land I love, the babies I treasure and the work I was created to do.

I can't wait!

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