Tuesday, February 16, 2010

In Case You Ever Wonder

To get to know Ti Raje a little better click HERE

I often think of him. When it's quiet, too quiet in my day, I imagine his laughter. When it is loud and the world is moving too fast around me, I remember his quiet love. I know he is home. I know he is well. I know he is loved. But I still remember...

My Dear Ti Raje,

I wonder, when you are grown, the questions you will have. I wonder if you will miss deep in the pit of you, something, and not know what. I wonder if you will wonder.

Baby, I love you. I want you to know there wasn't a second in your life that you were not loved. The day you came to us, I was captured. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I watched you sleep and when you woke up I held you. I fed you your first meal and I looked into your eyes. That was the first time I lost my heart. The first time I gave it away. You are the man that took it and I wouldn't have it any other way. When I spoke to you, I knew you had known love. You responded in a way I had never seen. You craved attention. You knew what it was to have someone love you. You had known that in your life. I KNOW she cared for you. I know she loved you fiercely! I know she loved you with a love that can't be understood, but by a mother for her dying baby. I know she did what she had to do. I know she chose the choice that hurt her the most, but that gave you the best. I know she cared. Don't let anyone tell you for a second that she didn't! She did not throw you away. I imagine that she, like a mother long ago, hid in the bushes and watched until someone picked you up. She did all she knew to give you all she could. I can't imagine what it took. I don't know if I could ever be strong enough to do what she did. Baby, YOU WERE LOVED!

I wonder if you will remember... the moments I held you in silence. The moments I rocked you while I whispered prayers. I wonder if you will remember the melodies of songs and not know why. I wonder if they are the lullabies I sang to you. I wonder if you will have dreams of a life you once knew. I wonder if you will remember me.

I pray you are happy. I pray you are well. I pray that you feel love and security all the days of your life. But most of all I pray that you will know Jesus. I pray that she teaches you about Him. I pray that she teaches you His love. I pray that you understand that He planned for you, every second of this journey. I pray He teaches me too, why He gave you to me only to say goodbye. I pray that you will one day understand the depth of His love for you. That He would die just to know you. I pray for you, like I prayed that first day. I pray you would grow, that your body would be well and your heart be strong! I pray for you.

You are the one who opened my eyes. You are the one who taught me to live and to love. You are the one who showed me Jesus. You are the one who made me "mama". You are the one who changed my life.

I love you!

Man, I miss him...

No comments: