I hurt for this sweet little boy. He has been through so much in the last week. I realized that it is all for his well being in the end but he doesn’t, it has been hard on him. I have had a lot of sleepless nights spent in prayer and tears for sweet little bug. He’s scared me a few times but like every little baby here, I have chosen to give him over to God, praying that He will bring me peace at the same time. Being stuck and pricked and messed with over and over again has done nothing for P’s poor sad spirit and my heart breaks for him a little more every day.
His mom returned on Monday and I have been able to spend quite a bit of my evening hours getting to know her. She is a sweet girl but it is heartbreaking to watch her and realized that she is just a child herself. She certainly has moments of “immaturity” and acting her age. I pray for her a lot… She needs a lot of love, compassion and training to become the mother that this little boy needs.
P still hasn’t smiled. I asked him mom and she told me “he used to smile and then he got sad, he doesn’t smile anymore.” Depression in a baby is something I will never be used to, something I will never understand. How can a life so tiny hold so much pain. How can this world be so hurt that it takes away the smile of an innocent baby.?
Every day I visit Bug several times in the nursery. I usually sit with him for several minuets rocking and holding him and singing little songs. Every evening after supper I sit with him for at least an hour, just holding him and marveling that I am allowed the honor of knowing and loving him. When I come in the room his eyes get wide and he immediately starts to whimper to be held. I am happy to oblige. He always stares deep into my eyes and follows my every move. He knows that I am there just for him. I love giving him that. I love that he knows I care about him, I just wish it were enough.
I know one day I will be able to write the beautiful story of P’s first smile. I know on that day I will realize that is was worth every second, every tear and every prayer. I know that day will be added to the list of dates that are always in my mind. It will be a very good day!