Monday, September 13, 2010

Break My Heart

“Lord, Break my heart for what breaks Yours…”

As long as it’s easy

and comfortable

and I get plenty of vacation days

and lots of sleep.

As long as it means lots of joy and laughter.

and I don’t have to think about things like hungry bellies

and babies who die.

As long as it fits into my plans.

As long as it’s my idea.

Last week I decided that I hadn’t had a proper fit in a while and I was about due. Queue 2 days of whining, complaining and arguing with God about why I really should not be called to Haiti anymore.

As much and I love Haiti and my life there, sometimes I just wish my purpose fit into a nice 9-5 job in Fergus Falls or Bozeman or heck even a nice small town on the west coast somewhere … It doesn’t really matter as long as I get a warm shower every day, a nice variety of meals to chose from and some satellite TV each evening. As long as it’s comfortable.

The truth is Haiti is not easy, or comfortable or even that great at times. Sometimes it even downright sucks. Sometimes I think I hate it more than I love it.

Last week as I threw my fit, I sat in church and listened to a guest speaker talk about purpose, again. I tuned him out a little because it was nothing I hadn’t heard before. You were made for something specific, blah, blah, blah… However, he said something that got my attention. “Once you discover your purpose, it is physically impossible for you to live anything else.”

Amen to that. As much as I fight the idea of life in Haiti forever there is something inside of me that is stronger than that fight. There is something inside of me that craves it more than I hate it. There is something inside of me that tells me that yes, I can do this. I was made to do this! There is something inside of me that tells me that it’s worth it.

There is something in the eyes of those kids that tells me it is always worth it.

There is something in the voices outside of my window at night that reminds me that I am there for something greater than my own strength.

And there is something in 1 Corinthians 1 that assures me that, although it might not be my idea, His plans are always greater than mine.

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

And almost as if to prove a point He ended the week by reminding just who is in charge. Instead of early November as previously planned, He has made it clear that I am to go to Haiti much sooner. His plans are not our plans, they are enormously greater!

On September 24th I will leave. I am ready. I am done with my fit and once again I am ecstatic. I am prepared. I will go.

Benjamin (20) - Copy

**Due to the unexpected timing of this trip I am in need of financial support to help with the cost of moving. To donate please click here.

1 comment:

Who are we? said...

I have followed your blog since the Hiati earthquake and I am proud of you. Following while leading is hard, doing that away from everything familiar and safe is over the top. Thank you for what you do and for honesty while doing it.