Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Uncomfortable

It was brought to my attention that the donation link at the bottom of this post was not working correctly. Here is the correct link!

You know what’s really uncomfortable to talk about?

Money…

Seriously, awkward. There is nothing comfortable or socially acceptable about talking about personal finances. No matter how much I have to do it, I still dread the thought. Mostly because I fight so hard to keep the thoughts from entering my mind. I prefer not to give doubt anything to grab onto and believe me, if there is a weakness in my faith, this would be it.

It’s not that I think I won’t eat, I know I will, and it’s not that I think I will be left penniless, it’s the idea that maybe, one day I will want something and not be able to have it. Disgusting, I know but it still creeps in.

In reality I have been “unemployed” since January 13th 2010. Since that day I have worked harder than ever before but my reward has not been a check every two weeks. Then again, could I complain? Instead I have been paid in hugs from little children, a nod of understanding in the dark eyes of a stranger who has trusted me to give their baby 3 meals a day. It is in the heartfelt thanks from parents who lend their little ones to me while sit helplessly at home and wait. I have not gone to bed a single night hungry. I have been taken care of more than I ever could have imagined, in fact it seems I have more now than I ever did before. And yet, there is that bit of frantic doubt that creeps in every once in a while. The what if’s that I continually fight.

The truth is I could not do the work I do without the help of some specific people. There is a church that supports me financially every month. The $150.00 check that they give me in my sole source of “income”. God’s Children graciously provides for my travel expenses and daily meals while I am here in Haiti. Without them I 100% could not be here. When I write it out now it seems silly, honestly what more could I want?

There is something. I have struggled with even posting here because I hate to even mention something for me when there are so many needs in this country. Hungry faces race through my mind as I sit here and type, taunting me, disappointed that I would request so selfishly, a luxury.

Right now I have an internet connection provided by Voila, a Haitian cell phone company. This service is unreliable and incredibly frustrating. I often wait more than 20 minuets for an email message to load, when I have only 3-4 hours of electricity a day to charge my computer batteries often times I can’t even read messages for several days after receiving them. Messages from the agency take first priority, then anything from donors, after that personal emails. Each month I try my best to send updates and photos on our kids to Amy to forward on to parents. At this time I can’t attach a single photo to an email. This means that updates can only be sent out when Amy comes here and takes them back with her, or I go to The States. I have also been dreaming of setting up a Skype schedule for our kids who are in the adoption process, with their adoptive families. For our older kids this would be a priceless way for them to begin to bond with these “strangers”. With the current internet connection that we have this is just not possible.

Today I posted a blog that I have been "uploading” for 2 days. On days where there is national news breaking in Haiti, which seems more often than not lately, I can’t get any service at all. Often those are they days that I need to contact people at home the most. Some days I just want to talk to my mom, or my best friend!

I have found a company here in Haiti that provides very reliable satellite internet. The mission where I used to work had their services and they were wonderful. I have been in contact with them and have been told that for the set up that I would need the cost will be $1,300.oo. I think about how much rice that would buy and I cringe, but I also see how far we have come in just a few short months. When I first came to Leogane this house was filled with malnourished, attention starved children. Now outside in our new playground are 40 well fed, happy little ones. Perhaps we have made it to a place where I dare dream of comfort items being available?

I have spoken to Amy and she has agreed that this internet service is needed but the money to get it up and running just isn’t available. Each month we have just enough to pay our nannies and feed our children. Anything above and beyond will need to be raised as needed.

Believe me, if I could I would front the money right now, but since that isn’t an option I turn to you. I have already received a $100.00 gift from a wonderful family. That leaves only $1,200.00 to go! I am convinced that this dream can be a reality. Each day as I sit and spoon food into the mouth of a child who has known far too many hungry days I am reminded of what is truly important in this world. If I don’t have email that evening life will go on. If it comes down to my luxuries and their lives you can be sure of what I will chose! For that reason we have a special fund set up just for internet service. Each month the needs of this house will come first. If someone should chose to give towards our hughesnet needs it will be saved and when we have enough we call them to come set up our satellite. Each $5.00, $10.00 or $20.00 gift will add up until we reach our goal and while I wait I will be content to spend my extra hours reading stories and loving babies.

If you would like to donate towards setting up an Internet connection here at our house you can go HERE. Please be sure to indicate that your gift is for the Internet Fund. I will be keeping track of how much has been raised in the sidebar so that you know where we are at.

1 comment:

Tanya said...

I'm so glad you asked for something for yourself! It is a nice way for all of us who really appreciate what you do for these kids to be able to give you a Christmas present that you really want :) I hope you raise enough money soon.