Friday, April 1, 2011

The Things I Hate

There are a lot of things I hate.

I hate trying to write blog posts with I am in the US. Mostly because there is nothing that happens here that comes close to filling me with the urgency that I see and experience every day in Haiti.

I hate empty, quite hours. Time where I am free to do work that desperately needs to be done, but instead just cry over how quiet this house is.

I hate asking people for money.

I hate leaving Haiti.

I hate saying goodbye to the people I love, all the time.

I hate babies dying, for no good reason.

I hate discouragement that leads me to be frustrated with the people I am called to love.

I hate not having electricity when I want it.

I hate throwing “fits” over luxuries I crave like power and running water and my favorite TV shows, that are filled with materialistic crap anyway.

I hate watching what I say, and editing my posts before I publish them to make sure that I’m not offending anyone.

I hate the doubt that invades my thoughts every day, that we will actually raise this money and that this dream will become anything more.

I hate being away, from here and from there.

I hate when people use their energy to argue over theology and doctrine of our loving God, instead of the urgency of loving each other as He sees us.

I hate when I am fed up with answering the same questions over and over again, and respond with scripted answers, instead of love, joy and excitement.

I hate who I am when I am not there, and I hate who I want to be, when I am away from here.

I hate this world, which just reminds me it’s because I was made for so much more…


Rebecca said...

I would say these things would fall under the category of righteous hate. You hate them because you are righteous, and in one way or another these things are not (oh, and that doubt, lies from the devil...hate it away :)

Shelly said...

I love your transparency and vulnerability.