Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Going Rate

She is 3 years old.

Kissable cheeks, scarred by years of neglect and streaked with tears.

Eyes, dulled, listless.

She crawls into my lap and I feel her heartbeat against mine.

Thud, thud, thud… a story of pain, of searching, of hopelessness.

I look at her face, at her little hand in mine, her tiny toes. I hear a whispered promise… “I will give her a future, hope”. A statement, “I knit her together”. A declaration, “this one is MINE”.

I look at her face, at her little hand in mine, her tiny toes. I hear an offer… “You like her? Give me $1,000 and she is yours.”

Today, the going rate of a life in Haiti is $1,000. I know because today someone tried to sell me a perfect, precious little girl, for $1,000. A life, a future a CHILD, for $1,000.

I try to wrap my head around it… A human being… a thousand dollars.

Everything inside of me screamed to grab her up and run away, to shield her from ever, EVER knowing that someone could possibly put a price tag on her.

One thousand dollars… less than the cost of a car, a vacation, an airline ticket, maybe less than the cost of the computer that you are sitting at right now.

I think about that baby girl, how much more she is worth than the temporary treasures that this world sells. I think about her falling asleep tonight with no idea that someone, somewhere loves her. I know it’s true because I love her.

This little girl is one of many “for sale” in Haiti today. The business of buying and selling human life is sickening and it happens way more than any of us realize. Today the stories I have heard came to life in the breathtaking face of a child.

I think about $1000, how I would gladly pay that, and more, to make sure that she knows how precious she is. But it’s not that simple and life here is complicated. I can’t “buy” children no matter how much I want to rescue them.

So I sit here, stuck in a very hard place, praying with all my might. I pray that someday, somehow that baby girl grows up to know that she is worth so much more than $1000, worth more than all the diamonds, rubies and gold in the world. I pray that someone teaches her that she was bought, not with a currency of this world, but with precious blood.

Sweet little girl, I close my eyes and I see your face. I am so sorry for the life that you are living and the pain that you feel.

Baby doll, you are PRICELESS.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Annabel Kay 2 Months Old

I can’t believe you are already 2 months old, Annabel. I feel like I just wrote about your first month of life and here I go again.

We have started using the 90 minuet sleep method religiously and it is like a dream! You nap so well and sleep almost all night every night. Sometimes you still get up to eat between 3 and 5 but you always go right back to sleep and stay down until 7 or 8. You  have also gone up to 5-6oz at  a time and waiting longer between feedings.

This month Melanie and Emma came to visit and gave you lots of love and cuddles. You soaked it all in!

On January 5th you impressed us all when you rolled over for the first time, from your belly to your back, but you’ve only done it twice since then.

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You are 21 inches long and weigh 9.5lb. People always say how tiny you are but you are feisty and strong too! You love to look at peoples faces and are very social!

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Right now you wear a size 0-3 months and some newborn. We switched over to fully cloth diapers now and you wear them snapped up on the smallest size, on the occasional outing you have worn disposables in newborn or size 1.

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This month we spent a lot of time getting to know each other. Your personality is so sweet, and happy and you have a stubborn streak that I know will keep me on my toes!

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Annabel, I can’t believe how quickly these days, weeks and now months, are passing by! You have blessed my life beyond imagination, I couldn’t imaging it without you. I love you more than I knew possible and each and every day I pray that you grow up in that love and knowing that I will always be there for you.

1 and 2 months

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Right Where He Belongs

Well, I’m doing it. I’m surviving, even thriving, in some ways. I play with Annabel, I clean the bathrooms, I fill out paperwork and I put band-aids on all the hurts that knock on my gate.

Gup is all moved in, back with his Mom and Dad. He left the 27th and we have been working on getting them situated ever since.

The good news is that I was able to find them a house super close to mine. This is the view out my bedroom window.

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See that wooden building with the tin roof there in the center of the photo? That is Gup’s family’s new house! There is just one house/tent between us.

I am able to walk and visit several times a day, if needed. However, I have to force myself to remember that I can’t go there several times a day, I can’t even go there every single day. I need to give them time, as a family to find their new “normal”. Still I go often.

Last week I went and stood in the doorway, amazed, in praise to God for keeping His promise to me. A promise that He would hold my baby when I couldn’t… Gup and his big brother sat on the floor while their mother read to them from the Bible. Later in the week I visited and found them all gathered around the TV, watching a praise and worship DVD and singing along.

My baby lives in a home that is teaching him to love Jesus. Above all else, more than the pain of missing him, I have joy. Joy that my boy will grow up in a place that teaches him Truth, a place that knows the hope and the future that our God promises.

I can’t tell you it doesn’t hurt. There are moments that literally take my breath away when I am hit with how much I miss him. I do everyday things and then just stop… wishing he was here, remembering what it was like when we were a family.  But, there is an underlying peace that can only come from The Father. I am not hiding in bed all day, I don’t cry all the time, I’m not falling apart. Not because I didn’t love him but because God has given me peace. God has given me the GIFT of peace. At first I felt guilty. I SHOULD be falling apart, I SHOULD be lying in bed all day, so broken that I couldn’t face the day. I SHOULD have felt the way that I was supposed to feel, how the world told me to grieve. But then I remembered a whispered promise, “we do not grieve like those who have no hope…”. He was mine, only for a short time but God is claiming him for our forever family even now. Someday, we will be together in a place that never changes, a place where there is no goodbye. God has his hand on my Gup and He is guiding his steps. I don’t have to feel guilty for trusting my Father to take care of my baby. I don’t have to feel guilty for not grieving in the way I am “supposed” to. I don’t have to feel guilty on the days that I get up and smile and laugh.

I don’t go on because I didn’t love him enough to hurt, I do it because My God loves him, and me, enough to wipe that pain away.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Christmas {In Photos}

Christmas day the kids and I had a great morning at home, opening stockings and gifts. I splurged for breakfast and bought Gup and I a can of SPAM to go with our pancakes and eggs! Yum!
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We were so spoiled by everyone at home who sent gifts. Thanks Sharon, Randy, Jesse, Sandra, Nana, Grandpa, KJ and a HUGE thank you to the Deputy Family for bringing it all in for us!
SONY DSC                                                                              Gup’s “big” present was a Little People Airplane, he was impressed!

When we finished up we headed over to OLTCH for church and an all day Christmas party. There was SO much fun going on, Gup didn’t know where to look or what to do first. We ate and ate and ate some more. We played games, did crafts and watched the Christmas program. There were presents for all the kids and nannies and more eating!
It was such a wonderful day, a perfect first Family Christmas!

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