Yesterday Moses died.
I got the news in the early afternoon, cried a little and then went on with the dozen other things I had to finish before the day was over. When I finally fell into bed I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing and going over ever single "what if" and haunting memories filled my concentration. I couldn't calm down and so I got up and lit some candles and put on some praise music, for almost 2 hours I lay wide awake just listening and soaking in the quiet house. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:18am, I drifted off soon after.
This morning I woke up with a start at 7:30am, my house was completely silent, babies all still sleeping. As I lay in bed I realized that I had been laughing out loud and had woken myself up from the most vivid dream of my life. In an instant every detail came rushing back to me.
I had dreamed I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean, it was dark and the waves were splashing up over the sides of the small wooden ship so hard that the salt water kept spraying in my eyes, making it impossible for me to see. I kept wiping my face only to be hit with another powerful wall of water and I was choking trying to breathe through the swells hitting me. Finally there was a small pause in the wind and the waves slowed down. I was wiping my eyes and struggling to let my vision focus when I saw a shape moving towards me across the water. As this object came closer I could see that it was a little child and he was walking across the surface of the ocean, the waves perfectly calm beneath his feet. I heard a small voice start to sing
“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand…
…Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”
As he came closer my breath caught, it was Moses! On earth I never heard Moses speak, I have no idea how his voice would have sounded but when he opened his mouth to sing, I knew it was him. I never saw Moses walk, or even sit up, in the days he spent with me he could barely lift his head and yet, here in this moment a perfectly formed and functioning little boy stood before me and I looked into his eyes and it was him.
He opened his lips again and began to preach, He said
“And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”
When he finished speaking Moses held his little hand out to me, beckoning for me to step out onto the waves with him. I felt no hesitation as I joined him and together we began to walk towards a distant shore that had appeared. As we walked and I held his tiny, familiar hand, Moses and I spoke in an easy and comfortable way. We had conversations in those moments that I longed for on those days when I looked into his eyes and saw the depth trapped by his broken body. As we got closer to shore his words slowed and his grip on my hand loosened until finally I was standing on a rocky beach alone. I looked around me and realized that I knew exactly where I was. As soon as it became clear I couldn’t stop laughing, in fact, it was that laughter that woke me up from my deep sleep this morning.
I woke up completely filled with joy and wonder over the gifts that God bestows. He let me see “my” Moses one more time and confirmed, without a shadow of a doubt that He has fulfilled His promise to make all things new, including the broken body of a little boy who suffered greatly here on Earth.
He wrote His promises and directions on my heart and He led me to the place where He created my soul to be filled with His purpose. God has a way of revealing Himself and it is beautiful and breathtaking and sometimes all I can do is laugh at how He makes His thoughts known to my weak and human heart.
The words that I heard Moses say in my dream come from the book of Acts chapter 20 verse 22-24. The entire passage is about Paul and his faithfulness in obediently following God’s directions on where he was to take his ministry.
Today, I am praying for the strength that He bestowed on his servant Paul, all those years ago. I am praying for the strength to consider my own life nothing compared to the joy of finishing the race that He has placed before me.
Deeper than my feet could ever wander, in the presence of my Savior.