Wednesday, July 8, 2015

That Stubborn Girl

He feels far away and silent, and every cry feels like it's fallen on deaf ears...

But even when *I feel* like He's not paying attention, He is there in the quiet, pushing me along. Reminding me that the stubborn little girl that drove her parents crazy had a purpose. I spent years in  training to become a stubborn woman, who's greatest encouragement is discouragement. 

When things dear to me are taken away and when I have no idea where the money to pay the next bills will come from, it lights a fire deep in my soul that drives me harder than anything else, to prove the doubt wrong and to fight even harder. He has yet to let me down and continually I remind myself that when things are hard it is not his silence but his assurance that He believes that I will be faithful and that my trust and faith will increase. 

My house is slowly coming together, I can't wait to share some "after" photos now that the tile is in, the walls are painted and the the window screens are up! We also have power now thanks to recently installed solar panels! Every day it feels a little bit more like home and now my struggles shift from my physical comfort to the ever present stress of our financial needs and how on earth everything that needs to happen will be possible in the impossibly short amount of time it all needs to happen in. There are still several expenses weighing on me from the move and the first few months of "setting up" in Belans.

My sister has started a gofundme account to help with some current financial needs, including the cost of replacing my computer that was stolen. If any of you feel led to give you can do so though my paypal here or go check out the campaign and donate through there.

In addition, my little family of 3 is in desperate need of monthly financial support. Right now we are living on just under $700 usd a month and it's getting more and more difficult to make ends meet. Our "budget" is set at $2,000 usd per month so at this time we are operating on less than half of that. We are still here, and we are fed and have a roof over our heads but we have many needs that are being pushed to the side right now because of lack of funds. It is my desperate plea and prayer that a few more supporters would come alongside us through monthly financial support. If you would like to join our support team through monthly giving, you can click the link on the right side of this page to get set up.

As always, I trust that our needs will be met and that God will provide. I cringe to think that this blog has become just a tool to raise money, I am conscious that there has been a lot of asking lately and am making an effort to start sharing some incredible stories soon! The beauty of Belans is astounding and I am starting to see the blessings  that I knew I would find. To call this place home is the hardest thing I have ever done but it is quickly becoming clear that it will also be filled with the joy that I knew was lying in wait for our family to discover. I can't wait to share glimpses of it with you.

The truth, what it always has been, is that it is never about how I feel on any given day and all about what He is going to do with whatever tiny bits of willingness that I can scrounge up.

As for God, his way is perfect:

    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?

    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength

    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

    he causes me to stand on the heights.
Psalm 18:30-33

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